Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Grief, Acceptance, and Psalm 13

How long, O Lord?  --Psalm 13:1

This is the question I keep hearing in my head.  How long will we be stuck in this COVID-19 holding pattern?  How long until things get back to normal?  Will things get back to normal?  In some ways, yes, and in other ways, no.  In our various responses, it occurred to me today that we're seeing in ourselves and our leaders the stages of grief.

We started out with lots of denial.  It's not going to be so bad.  I'll be ok because I'm young, healthy, living in a rural area etc.  We keep circling back to this.  It's not as bad as we thought it would be.  It's not going to last that long.  It's not as big a deal as it seems.

We have anger.  We have sadness.  Both are stages of grief.  So is bargaining.  We're doing that, too.  If we work hard enough at washing our hands....  If we do really well at staying home... If we do enough good deeds... then will it go away?  These are all good things to be doing and they will help, but they're also a part of our processing the losses we're experiencing.  Loss of life.  Loss of connection. Loss of security.  Everything is changing, and change is loss.

We're also seeing acceptance, and if grief happened in a nice, linear progression, this would be the end of it, but it doesn't work that way.  We keep circling back.  Plus, our losses aren't a once-and-done deal.  Every day something changes. The death toll grows.  The stock market drops.  Companies shut down.  More stay-home orders issued.  New losses keep happening, sending us back around the grief circle again.

For me, recognizing that these are normal feelings helps.  Talking to people and finding that they are experiencing similar feelings helps.  Talking to God helps. Reading the psalms and their laments and praise helps.  Remembering that grieving makes us tired helps.

Acknowledging, like the writer of Psalm 13, that in the midst of all the swirling uncertainties it feels like God is far away, helps.

How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
--Psalm 13:1b-2a

It helps because it's real.  The alternative is pretense and, let's be honest, lies.  Saying I'm ok, or that this is ok, when it's really not ok, is a lie, and I'm just fooling myself and shutting out God.

God, I'm not as ok as I'd like to be. We're not as ok as we'd like to be. But because I know you love me and you are good, I'm trusting in you.

Acceptance for today.  And, lest I forget, my star word for 2020.
Thanks, God.

But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
 I will sing to the Lord
    because he is good to me.
--Psalm 13:5-6

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