As you know if you've been reading my posts, "redo" is my star word for 2026. It's a tiny word but a huge concept. I got to thinking this week about all the "what if's" that could lead to redos. For example, in looking back at my high school papers, I discovered that I had been looking into art schools. But then I met Rob and we decided to get married right after high school, so I never pursued art school. But what if I had?
I had been fairly involved in music in high school (playing the flute, taking lessons, entering competitions, etc.) but I dropped that when I met Rob too. I had thought about pursuing music in college. That didn't happen either. But what if it had?
Are those path diversions something I could redo? Do I want to? I'm not sure.
How much of the person I have become is a reflection of the person Rob saw in me? Is that an opportunity to redo who I am apart from Rob's vision? How much of my own self-perception is the result of comparing myself to Rob? He was fairly charismatic. I was not. He was able to easily play almost any instrument he wanted to play. I had to work at it.
For the first ten years or so, I was the tech guru and the copy editor. But over time, Rob surpassed me in both areas. He had the time to figure out the idiosyncracies of software, and he wrote prolifically. I learned what I needed to know at the moment and then moved on. I wrote daily, but mostly just for myself. He self-published poetry and novels.
Now, without his influence or presence for comparison, I wonder how my self-image will change.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
With God's help, I press on.
Hi Mel! Your post triggered a memory for me. 20 years ago my brothers mother-in-law, Rose was found to have advanced ovarian cancer and died quickly in her early 60’s. Rose was a very powerful, dynamic presence in our world. She was a strong organizer, doer, leader; full of energy, vision, compassion, and determination. When you got caught up in the current of what Rose was envisioning, orchestrating, and bringing to fruition, you were fairly swept along. You felt the energy, the hard work, the exhaustion, but also the joy, hope and satisfaction along the way and at the fruition of the effort.
ReplyDeleteWhen Rose died so suddenly and so early, it was stunning and disorienting. It as like a huge tree, tall and expansive, had been felled tearing through the branches of the surrounding trees and shaking the ground as it crashed down. Then there was silence, shock, and emptiness where it had stood, and grief. But gradually over days, months, years that empty space has changed. Surrounding smaller trees have grown taller and stretched their branches into that space, and grass, then bushes, then young saplings have sprung up in the sunlight that comes down to the ground and is nourished by the roots, old fruits, and leaves in the soil.
Rose’s life had a huge impact on all of us around her. But it has been after her absence that so much of the new growth and potential around her could, and has, more fully developed. That makes me continue to remember and love her, even in new ways.
That was not meant to be anonymous. It’s me, Peg Cheadle.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing about Rose, Peg
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