Inception

Photo by Mathilda Khoo on Unsplash 

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed. I come to the end--I am still with you.

-Psalm 139:16,18

I love that this is the scripture for today in my favorite devotional app Everyday Sanctuary, because today is my birthday.  The app's entry for today is titled "Inception" because that's what the scripture describes, the very beginning of the idea of a person, long before they were conceived.

I have sometimes asked God to help me see his dreams for me. I felt for a long time like I was quite off track in that regard. Becoming a pastor has felt like getting on track, and yet I still question it at times. Why? Mostly because I overthink things.

The idea that God dreamed of me long before I was even a twinkle in my parent's eyes is rather beautiful and comforting...and a little bit creepy. But I don't think that means that I was a sure thing. If God is, as C.S. Lewis proposes, like the author of a book, then God is outside of the story seeing all the possibilities of that story. Possibilites doesn't mean that all of them will come to pass. We have options and we make choices that affect outcomes.  Otherwise God would be the great dictator or puppeteer and we wouldn't need grace because we would only be able to do what God was making us do. 

Free will is a wonderful gift and an incredible challenge.  One of my growing edges has been learning to trust my thoughts, trusting that the time I have spent in prayer and Bible study continues to influence my choices even when I am not actively talking to God. 

I have a tendency to agonize over decisions. I think sometimes the best ones are the ones that happened instantly.  One time a friend was trying to figure out how to get somewhere. Without thinking or hesitating, I gave him my car keys. Afterwards I was second guessing like crazy, but it was already done and too late to change. It solved his problem perfectly and, though I had some adjustments to make, quite workable.  I am convinced the Holy Spirit was holding my arm out with the keys in my hand.

I need more moments like that, in which I trust that the Holy Spirit, who IS living IN me after all (1 Cor 3:16, John 14:17, et al), is guiding my thoughts and actions. I need to trust the ideas and not second-guess their inception. 

In the movie Inception (2017), it's hard to tell what's reality and what's a dream, or who is responsible for the inception of an idea. In that movie's reality, second guessing is wise. And sometimes it is in our reality as well. 

Photo by Ash from Modern Afflatus on Unsplash

I have one of those forever-spinning tops. It can spin forever if you get it started just right. But it takes time to learn how. Like life. We can trust that God's inception of us was perfect, and that we have a lifetime to learn how to get in sync with our forever-spinning life, working on loving God and one another well.

Thanks, God.