Loving From the Center of Who You Are

Checklist for Loving

• ·      Love should be shown without pretending.
• ·       Hate evil, and hold on to what is good.
• ·       Love each other like the members of your family.
• ·       Be the best at showing honor to each other.
• ·       Don’t hesitate to be enthusiastic—be on fire in the Spirit as you serve the Lord!
• ·       Be happy in your hope,
• ·       stand your ground when you’re in trouble, and
• ·       devote yourselves to prayer.
• ·       Romans 12:9-12 CEB

Years ago I began to notice that some people were very good at being encouraging and I decided that I wanted to be like them. One of them was the professor who was teaching the appreciative inquiry class that I was taking at Clemson University. I tried to pay attention to what she did and said that was encouraging, but she did it so naturally that it was hard to identify specifics.  Even now, I can’t say exactly what she did, but I always felt encouraged in her class.  She fostered an environment of encouragement.

Maybe that’s what Paul was trying to do in this chapter of his letter to the Romans – foster an environment of encouragement. I’ve been tempted to memorize this list, but I’m not sure whether that would help me be any better at doing what he says. I think the hardest one is the first one:  Love without pretending. The Message version says, “Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.”  That’s a tall order.  How do we do that?

The irony is that to try too hard to accomplish sincere love is to do the opposite of what it says. So how do we really love people without pretending? A good first step is wanting to. And I suppose the obvious answer is always to ask God for help. And keep asking.

Some people say “I love you” a LOT. I used to wonder if they really meant it, but now I think we just don’t say it enough. We’re so hung up on the romantic use of the phrase that we forget that we can also love people with whom we’re not romantically involved. So now I try to remember to say it more.

I find that praying for people helps. It’s one example of how praying changes us.  My attitudes toward people for whom I’m praying are always better. I’m more patient with them, and more caring.

Spending time with people helps too. We can’t do as much to encourage them from afar.

(Side note: Afar is a funny word. Try saying it out loud a few times. Doesn’t it just sound funny?)

If you’re reading this, I hope you are finding these words encouraging. I’m thankful for you, and thankful that you were willing to read this far. 

--------

Photo by Ditto Bowo on Unsplash