Knocking Through The Numbness

 

Ever since I read this tweet,* I have been stuck on the idea of intentional tears.  And the more I think about it, the more I'm noticing how much I avoid emotion-provoking TV shows and movies, or potentially difficult conversations.  

One reason I'm stuck on this is that my star word for this year is "tenderness."  My first "aha" moment with that word was the discovery that tenderness is an attribute of God:

". . . You can see how the Lord was kind to [Job] at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy." -James 5:11 NLT

The word tenderness in this scripture is the Greek word polýsplagxnos (no, I can't pronounce it), which means "very compassionate." Many translations simply say that God is compassionate.  Some say God is full of tender mercy.  But somehow I hadn't thought of God as being full of tenderness before.

That Greek word taken literally means "many bowelled" which basically means to feel something so deeply that you feel it in your gut.  The funny thing about me is that my gut responds to what's happening in my life all the time, but somehow my head and heart don't get the message.  Consequently, as you might guess, I have gastrointestinal issues long before I realize that a situation is bothering me.

This is why I'm stuck on BP's tweet.  I need to work on emotional processing like he did.  But it's hard.  Some days I'm sad and I cry easily, but most of the time I'm pretty good at being fine.  I think I've progressed, though.  Years ago I was callous and I wouldn't have cared about this.  Now I think I'm just numb.  I can avoid my own issues pretty well, and I engage with other people's issues only in small ways.  Careful ways.

I know the realilty is that being fine is an illusion.  I've papered over my own emotions. My husband Rob calls it "being defended." Lots of people who are really hurting are papered over or defended. Many of them are trying hard to pass as fine because our culture is not very accepting of tears and sadness.

If tenderness is an attribute of God, and we are made in the image of God, then we ought to reflect God's tenderness.  Science agrees, according to the researchers at Harvard Medical School.  In this article they say that crying can be purifying and cleansing, that it releases endorphins, and that pushing aside difficult emotions contributes to declines in both our physical and mental health.

On top of that, we'd be better together as a community if we all cared more about each other's issues, and didn't avoid dealing with people who are suffering.

So I'm committed to knocking through the numbness, and figuring out how to make tenderness a spiritual practice for me. I want to engage with God and with the world more deeply.

Pray for me.  I'm going in.

5 May those who sow in tears
    reap with shouts of joy.
6 Those who go out weeping,
    bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
    carrying their sheaves.

-Psalm 126:5-6

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*I recommend reading the whole thread. It's a great conversation.