Monday, January 15, 2024

What do you dream about?


Yesterday I read a poem by Liezel Graham in which she says her nine-year-old self dreamt of being an archeologist. My nine-year-old self was writing poems and editing the family newsletter and taking flute and piano lessons and imagining being a stewardess or a writer or a graphic artist or an architect.  As I grew older I was envious of those who were so focused on being one thing that the course of their schooling was already laid out for them. I finally zeroed in on being a writer because art class got my hands too dirty and stewardesses needed 20/20 vision (I have needed glasses since I was five) and I never got past algebra because the trig class was at the same time as General Hospital and my best friend's mom was at work so we ditched trig to go to her house and watch it.

Now I am a pastor who writes sermons and these occasional blogs, and plays around with art and lettering once in awhile, and fondly remembers the years of being in the worship band even though I always felt like I had to keep moving forward towards an as yet unknown call.

Now I dream about figuring out how to renovate my house and build a better world that will not leave our grandkids with used up resources and so many racial and economic divisions. I suppose my dreams are in some ways like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's. He did not live to see them fulfilled and I suppose that's going to be true for some of mine too. 

Have you ever noticed how monochromatic the world can be?  Very few buildings are colorful. So many cars are black or white or grey. It's hard to buy flooring that isn't beige or gray or brown. I crave more color and more freedom to be ourselves with less concern about what other people might think. I dream about making the world more colorful. 

I am still dreaming and I will keep on dreaming.  I remind myself to dream every time I play Wordle because "dream" is almost always my starting word. I dreamed of dying my hair green and now that I have it's another reminder to keep on dreaming. 

I wonder about God's dreams for us and I wonder what sorts of things other people are dreaming about. Who has given up on dreaming? Money and time seem to be my biggest obstacles...oh, and that people think that I am crazy...or maybe they don't and I should hope someday they will because my house will be colorful and we'll have made the church more colorful and painted murals on buildings and made other things in fun colors and encouraged people to dream and keep on dreaming.  

Sooooo.....
What are you dreaming about?

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Star Word 2024 - Gratitude


I must confess that I was disappointed to get this word.  I feel like I already know enough about gratitude. On the other hand, if you've read my previous January star word posts, you know that I am often unhappy with my new words and still I learn from them once I get past the initial dissappointment. 

I've read the research, so I already know that gratitude is helpful for changing negative perspectives into positive ones, and that gratitude can be a mood lifter.  I tend to focus my gratitude lists on the current moment or day, so maybe I'll work on some broader-perspective gratitude lists.  Here's one for the past year:

2023 Thankfulness
  1. LGBTQIA topics went from being the elephant in the room to being ok to talk about at our church.
  2. I completed the third year of the three-year commitment of being moderator of the presbytery (one year as the moderator elect, one year as moderator, one year as past moderator).
  3. My husband Rob got diagnosed with Crohn's and by December was starting to see some signs of remission from the second attempt with a biologic.
  4. Rob had an MRI that showed a chiari malformation which would explain the symptoms that didn't quite fit with Crohn's.  Hopefully by the end of 2024 I'll be able to be thankful for getting that treated.
  5. Finished my church office move into Zaccheus' treehouse, aka the theology thicket.
  6. I finished the year in a better place mentally, spiritually, and emotionally than where I started.  Last year's star word "wholeness" helped me remember to keep working on that.
Whole-year gratitude is hard.  What am I forgetting?

Another aspect of gratitude that I could research more is toxic gratitude.  Sometimes gratitude does not help.  Some days maybe it's better to sit with whatever is in my head and heart and allow it to be whatever it needs to be.  What makes gratitude toxic?  Maybe when it's overly forced, or when it's forced on us by someone else with statements like, "Well, at least you're not...." 

In the beginning of this call to ministry, I was much better at writing thank-you notes than I am now.  Maybe part of this year's star word pondering will be to write more thank-you notes and try to use up all the unused packages of thank-you notes in my stationery box. (Which is also stationary when I'm not using it.)

This year, for a change, I did NOT start by looking for Bible verses about gratitude because I think I know most of them by heart already.  So this year, I'll be on the lookout for verses I'd forgotten or missed, or verses which add to or change my understanding of gratitude.  The verses that come to mind are either psalms or from Paul's letters. But what does Jesus say about gratitude?  In a quick gooogle, I find that Jesus blesses the bread at the feeding of the five thousand (eg. Matthew 15:36), and thanks God for hearing his prayer to raise Lazarus from the dead (John 11:41), but it seems more an assumption of attitude than a rule to follow like it is in Paul's writings.

So, despite my initial dislike of this word, still room to grow.

Thanks, God.

P.S. In 2023 I began the practice of attempting to end every blog and sermon with a "Thanks, God."

P.P.S. I'd love to hear your thoughts on gratitude!


Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Subtly Answered Prayers

It occurred to me this morning that one of my repeated prayers over the last several years was for God to help me be more present in the moment, and more engaged with the people in those moments.  I think (I hope!) I am indeed better about being present, but that also means that if you ask me on Monday what's on my calendar for the coming week, I usually can't tell you.

Now, maybe being present in the moment and less thinking ahead about things are not related, but I really think they are.  And it's not the first time I've noticed prayers being answered in unexpected ways.  Maybe you have noticed this in your life as well?

I should point out that Monday is my day off, so I am particularly intentional about avoiding work-related things like calendars and email on Mondays.  I often feel like I'm playing beat-the-clock on other days, so I try to ignore the time on Mondays as well.  I've learned to set alarms if I have appointments on Mondays because I have missed a few. So, I'm thankful for the capabilities of smart phones that help me let go of concerns about the short-term future and enjoy my free time more.  What helps you let go?

I've also prayed over the years for God to make me more the way I was made to be and less about the ways I've tried to be what I've thought people expected or needed me to be.  The more I'm able to let go of those concerns, the more I am able to be creative and the more I want colorfulness in my clothing and surroundings.

I recently discovered Shel Silverstein's poem "Colors" from the book Where the Sidewalk Ends:

My skin is kind of sort of brownish

Pinkish yellowish white.

My eyes are grayish blueish green,

But I’m told they look orange in the night.

My hair is reddish blondish brown,

But it’s silver when it’s wet.

And all the colors I am inside

Have not been invented yet.

I'm in the process of learning more about all the colors I am inside, and I'm thankful for the space and grace to do that.

Thanks, God

 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” --Matthew 6:34

Sunday, November 26, 2023

Loveliness


 They 

This person I know 

Wants to be called they. 

It could bring us much closer 

To see them that way. 

It’s a strange thing to think 

And harder to say, 

But they are so happy 

When the effort is made. 

For all the theys and thems 

It is this that I pray, 

We be kind and accepting 

And just let them be they. 

(Written by Theo Nicole Lorenz’s Aunt)

I found this lovely poem on the PC(USA) website in a guide for supporting children in LGBTQIA+ families which is one of the resources available on the page about one of our newer Matthew 25 priorities: Gender Justice & Heteropatriarchy.

I'm thankful for these resources because I want to learn more about how to love one another, and especially those who tend to get cast out as unloveable.  

I do find that the more I want to love people, the easier it gets, and I think this is because God pours divine love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5).  It's not always easy, partly because some days I just want to stay in my reading chair and just be alone. I'm thankful for the space and grace to have days like that.

And I am thankful for you, and for God whose love is greater than our hearts.

Thanks, God.

Tuesday, November 7, 2023

What Planet Are You From?

Photo by NASA on Unsplash

Have you ever been asked this question? (see title)  I have.  Though more often, it's not asked in words; it's conveyed in that quizical face that says, "You have crazy ideas, you are behaving very strange, you do not understand this moment at all."  I used to try to avoid getting this reaction, and would back down immediately from whatever I'd said.  Now I'm starting to see that it's not about me at all. Some people are just boring and closed minded.  (Not YOU, of course.)

Just for fun I googled this question, as one does, and discovered this fun quiz for finding your home planet.  I took the quiz, of course, and learned that I am a martian!  I think they really get me, because this sounds so much like me: "You are a lovable geek at heart and enjoy a good space flick in your spare time."

I think I have suspected my martian origins for some time. For instance, when everyone was reading the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (1992) by relationship counselor John Gray, my husband and I were certain that Gray had it backwards for us.

The reality is that gender is just one more way in which we've oversimplified things and made something black and white that's not. Thankfully we're talking about this more and more, and learning how to communicate with each other in ways that don't get people making awkward faces at us. Still, there are times when I just ask the wrong question, so I'm thankful for this set of videos from Reconciling in Christ called "Clunky Questions."

What clunky questions have you been asked?

What clunky questions have you been asking?

Share your answers, and definitely share what planet you're from.

Thanks!

Thursday, October 19, 2023

One of Us

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash 

Reading this story about why Whoopi Goldberg agreed to be in Star Trek Next Generation, I am saddened by Whoopi's reason: "There was...a Black woman in the cast [Nichelle Nichols]. And it made me think, One of us must have made it.”

If I understand correctly, she means that a Black person made it past all the racism and attempted genocide not only to be on the show, but also to survive into the future. 

Representation in public spaces means so much more than we realize. The obstacles are also greater than we fully understand.  As a child, I was told I could be whatever I want when I grow up, and I believed that. Imagine if you couldn't, simply because people like you were not as accepted, even hated so much that people like you got killed simply for being you? 

This is the reality for people of color, and LGBTQIA. It's one of the ways our culture has taught us who is ok and who is not, and what roles are ok for what kinds of people.  It's a lot of hogwash.

This is why we need to watch shows that expand our perceptions.  Like Queer Eye on Netflix.  A reviewer says, "It's beginner's exposure to queer people as genuinely good human beings," and they're right.  If you're feeling down or discouraged, this show is full of joy and hope, which is especially remarkable considering what some of these people have been through, both the makeover recipients and the hosts.

If you only want to watch one episode, watch season 2 episode 1 "God Bless Gay."  This is one of the episodes in which Bobby Berk talks about his church scars.  We get to hear how hard he tried to be what his conservative evangelical parents and church wanted him to be, even to the point of being suicidal. It was so hard that he almost refused to do the episode, according to this article, but the producers convinced him by saying, "Don’t do it for the church, do it for all the little Bobbys who are still sitting in those churches. Do it for them in the hope that the church won’t do to them what it did to you."

Ever since I saw that episode, I have been wanting to help people like Bobby know that there are church people who know that loving God and loving our neighbors means loving people with God's eyes, eyes of love, not socially conditioned eyes that see some people as unacceptable or less than others.

One of the hardest hurdles in overcoming our social conditioning is not believing it's there.  May God help us all to see the ways in which we fall short of seeing people with God's unconditionally loving eyes.

Thanks, God.

Thursday, September 21, 2023

Ally Position Statement

 


It's been said that people don't change, but it's not true.  Our experiences, successes and failures, help us learn and grow, and through it all God's Holy Spirit works on our hearts. People change. Groups change.  This change for me has been many years in the making.  I have been an ally for a while now, but today I have been set free to say so.  What follows explains my thinking a bit.

Melissa Krabbe Position Statement Regarding LGBTQIA+

What:

  • We sing “All are welcome in this place” and we want that to be completely true
  • For LGBTQIA+ to know they are welcome in this place, we need to be explicit about our welcome and inclusion because so many churches say they are welcoming but really aren’t
  • Psalm 139:14 says that we are wonderfully made by God. I believe that means everyone.
  • Romans 15:7 NIV tells us to “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”
  • Galatians 3:28 says “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Why

  • It’s not as simple as “God made them male and female.” Gender is complicated and variable. So I do not believe it is a sin. It’s just another way that we’re all different.
  • I saw these variations in the testing being done at the endocrine lab (my employer in the 90’s and early 2000’s) when doctors needed extra specific testing to determine sex of a baby.  It’s not always straightforward or determinable.
  • I wrestled with the medical ethics of these complications in a class on applied philosophy at Clemson University
  • I read about the challenges to the translations of the words in the Bible that have been used against LGBTQIA+ and the similarities to the history of using the Bible to justify slavery and to keep women from voting, owning property, or holding positions of leadership.
  • I heard testimonies from LGBTQIA+ individuals who have wrestled with themselves and the church trying to be “acceptable” and seen the deep scars this leaves in people’s lives.
  • There are no churches in Rice County that are explicitly welcoming and inclusive of LGBTQIA+
  • In having one-on-one conversations with church members over the past few years, I have heard hearts that are open to welcoming LGBTQIA+ but were hesitant to say so because they didn’t know how others would react
  • The more we can have open, friendly, and honest conversations about issues that are important to us, the healthier we can be as a church and the healthier I can be as your pastor
  • Being welcomed and included in a church can help heal scars people have from being made to feel ashamed of who they are, and help them know that God really does love them

How

  • Session has been discussing this for several months and reading the book Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality by Jack Rogers.  Our denomination (PCUSA) has changed our polity to allow us to be allies, and adopted the statement below.
  • Our small group discussions of the book The Flight of the Puffin gave us the opportunity to have some beginning conversations about being transgender.
  • More reading and discussing can help us to better understand each other and be better welcomers of those who are LGBTQIA+
  • From the beginning this has been the subject of lots of prayer, and will continue to be
  • I have tried to be open to listening, and over the past several years have had the opportunity to hear people’s coming out stories
Thanks, God!
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If you want to talk about this, comment below or message me. I would love to talk with you!


PCUSA Statement Adopted in 2018

Standing in the conviction that all people are created in the image of God and that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is good news for all people, the 223rd General Assembly (2018) affirms its commitment to the full welcome, acceptance, and inclusion of transgender people, people who identify as gender non-binary, and people of all gender identities within the full life of the church and the world. The assembly affirms the full dignity and the full humanity of transgender people, their full inclusion in all human rights, and their giftedness for service. The assembly affirms the church’s obligation to stand for the right of people of all gender identities to live free from discrimination, violence, and every form of injustice.

Full statement here: https://www.pc-biz.org/#/search/3000312